Every relationship is different, and therefore every divorce is unique. Your experience is entirely yours, and so is the healing process. Divorce has a way of evoking a range of negative emotions that need healing to move forward.
Your marriage undoubtedly holds emotion-soaked memories revolving around what attracted you to this person, your expectations and the events that led to its end. So, where do you begin getting well again after the marriage has ended? It starts with honesty. Being honest with yourself and others is going to help speed the healing process.
Here are four questions to ask yourself as you reflect on the end of your marriage and the healing that awaits you.
What did you learn from the relationship?
There are always lessons to learn from the person you shared your life with. What are some things that you regard as valuable lessons to carry forward with you? Not paying attention to the lessons will only make you vulnerable to repeating the same thing in future relationships.
What are you thankful for?
What are some things you can honestly be thankful for from your time in relationship and marriage with this person? Reflecting on areas you are grateful for can help you balance your appreciation for what was good instead of becoming overcome with negative emotions that perpetuate anger and bitterness.
What do you forgive the other person for?
Forgiving your ex-spouse is not approving their actions and behavior that contributed to the ending of your marriage. Forgiveness is a process that may feel like two steps forward and one step back. This slower progress is okay and necessary as you find healing. Forgiving the other person helps you emotionally divorce and experience freedom both legally and emotionally from that period in your life.
What do you forgive yourself for?
Walking away with personal strife for the things you cannot go back and change can disease potential healing. You deserve forgiveness for the faults you take responsibility for and the areas you would like to change about yourself.
Marriages coming to an end are extremely difficult for many people. The divorce process does not only about legal matters. Without healing your mind and emotions, you are likely going to have knee-jerk reactions and behaviors that are associated with ignoring or suppressing your hurt and not recovering from the divorce.